You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
