I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
