Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Randomize
