You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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