And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
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