At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
