I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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