wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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