I can't watch pbs sober anymore
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
