well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
