Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
