my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
