I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
