Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
