It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
