remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
