i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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