On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
