i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
