I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
