My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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