can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I deserve this hangover.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
