Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
