i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Randomize
