ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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