so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
