I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
