You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
