I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
