Just fell off a train. Bad.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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