fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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