shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
