I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
