So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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