its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
