How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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