I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
