I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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