my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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