the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
