do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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