We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
