worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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