yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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