I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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