I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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