You're my little dorito
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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