You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
