but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
