I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
