I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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