I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
