well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
