She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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