I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
