you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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