Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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